The 20th anniversary of my blog!

Two decades ago, I sought a method to log the ways Italy had seduced me, and the activities I pursued so that the language of Dante would remain impressed in my mind. And that's how this blog was born. Early posts were about Italian meals Mike had made, rides in the Alfa and wines we bought.

It has evolved over time to become a public diary of my thoughts, my achievements, my passions (often involving Italy or Italian, but not always) and my commitment to fluency in the form of blogposts in Italian, among other activities (movie reviews of Italian films and course endless ruminating about books, too!). Oh and a few mentions of the book-length translation I finally managed to publish (Did I mention it's called This Darkness Will Never End?!).

I'm going to commemorate the 20th anniversary with a series of posts. This is the first. And here I'm going to very simply revisit a few of the posts that have resonated the most with readers. I'd be thrilled if you read some of the posts, and I hope perhaps the blog inspires you to return to your own passions and hobbies with renewed vigor.

Posts I liked:

"Tiny Moments of Exquisite Beauty," or the travelogue from my 2025 visit to Italy: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2025/08/tiny-moments-of-exquisite-beauty-in.html

*Praise for the film that convinced me to study Italian and changed my life: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2024/03/an-oscar-winning-film-seen-on-whim.html

Posts readers liked:

*About my fears of how the pandemic could permanently re-shape my life: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2021/05/what-ive-feared-about-post-pandemic-life.html

*On the reasons I need to hoard (or, my letter to Marie Kondo): https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2017/12/dear-marie-kondo.html

*On the reference to Angelina Jolie in Roberto Saviano's book, Gomorra (note, it's in ITALIAN): https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2008/06/gomorra-angelina-jolie.html

Posts about travel and the glorious Italian language:

*The time Leo learned how to curse in Italian: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2022/08/italian-lessons.html

*What can you do with a mere 24 hours in Rome? Oh quite a bit

*When I want what I should not want (in Italy): https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2022/08/the-boarding-doors-are-closing-jeanne.html

*How can Milan be this beautiful? https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2020/07/from-archive-italian-diary-may-2017.html

Posts about Leo:

The joys of running -- even just short distances -- with Leo: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2023/03/running-very-little-very-often.html

Leonardo from Atlanta (not Vinci): https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2022/10/the-little-artist-whose-mother-is.html

A Day in the Life of this American Man at Age 10 (Esquire article re-enactment): https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2023/07/a-day-in-life-of-this-american-man-at.html

Posts about books:

My all-time favorite books, essays and short stories: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2024/07/literature-ive-loved-after-nyt-list.html

A book list for those looking to read the work of women Holocaust survivors: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2024/01/women-holocaust-survivors-reading-list.html

My book log for the year I read Le otto montagne by Paolo Cognetti and many other outstanding works: https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2022/12/what-i-read-in-2022-what-i-plan-to-read.html

Women authors have often been overlooked in Italy (in ITALIAN): https://ciambellina.blogspot.com/2017/06/dove-sono-finite-le-scrittrici-italiane.html

*

Thanks as always for reading my blog. 

The best gift anyone can give me is to care about Leo in some way. 

But the second best? Read my work.

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The Four Seasons Hotel in Florence

The boy whose Fiorentina soccer team shirt reads 'Nato Perfetto' ("born perfect") gets around. 

This is a photo of Leo, aged 5, in the park surrounding the absolutely stunning Four Seasons Hotel in Florence, close to Piazza D'Azeglio and not too far from the Accademia (home of the David statue).

Somehow this fancy-schmancy hotel has an exquisite private park to its name, but there's a coffee bar there so you can show up at the hotel and simply say you're visiting the cafe to gain entrance to this amazing park, which, as you can see, is adorned with sculpture.

(No one can be denied a coffee in Italy!)

We were staying with my old roommate whose current apartment is nearby so we were game to go.

Yet since the park was so beautiful and the hotel clearly for high rollers, the day that Leo and I arrived, I hesitated. Could it really be that simple? So when I asked a hotel employee if we could enter, the born-and-bred Florentine took one look at Leo's shirt, which featured the symbol and color of Florence's beloved soccer team, and he said, "Con quella maglietta lui può andare dove vuole." In that shirt, he can go wherever he wants!

It's absolutely worth a detour if you're visiting Florence -- Italy is full of hidden treasures, often in courtyards and concealed behind high stone walls. It's nice that this one is sort of within reach.

I was reminded of this hotel recently because one of my sisters will be visiting Florence in the Fall for a wedding so I looked up the rates.

Well, she is a bit of a high roller but the cost is King-of-England-level high rolling so she might just have to pass on this one! 

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Tiny moments of exquisite beauty in Italy

The apartment in Florence where we stayed this month during our trip to Italy had a top-floor terrace that stares directly at the Torre di Arnolfo, which defines the Palazzo Vecchio and is arguably the symbol of Florence. In the early morning hours as Leo and Mike (and the rest of the city) slept, I had my coffee while staring back at it. One morning, the silence surrounding me was so profound that the flapping of a bird's wing overhead was singularly audible. 

(Fun fact: the apartment is on the top floor -- 75 steps up!)

Each trip contains certain touchstones -- I revisit my old apartments, I retrace my steps along treasured walking routes, I prowl beloved bookstores and newsstands for all of the written material that I feel as though I need to live. I observe the small moments of exquisite beauty, something I believe my mother would have done (a habit she almost certainly instilled in me by modeling it).  

But each trip is also different, and engenders a specific set of preoccupations. 

At one point during our travels, I developed an obsession with the Roma-Viterbo train line, which is separate from Trenitalia. It's not entirely odd: our apartment in Rome overlooked one of the stations on the line. And when I am in Italy, I am immersed in "my beat," which I define as the ordinary aspects of Italian life, the parts of Italian life that an average Italian contends with. 

It reminded me of the PATH trains that link lower Manhattan to New Jersey inasmuch as it's both local and separate. They are like an alt subway line, which is slightly odd. If you were a traveler to NYC, you could mistake them for the actual subway system, no?  

When I poked my head inside the station I could see from the window, it was as old-school as it comes. The tracks were visible from the entranceway (the long train tunnel simply deadends into the lobby of the station) and on them sat old tram-like trains. There was a bustling coffee bar attached, of course, and I had my breakfast there one day, knowing that while it appeared scruffy, the volume of customers and the people who frequented it (real Italians) guaranteed a fine cappuccino and a light, fluffy ciambellina. Yet still, I am both irked by this random, standalone train line and also by my obsession with it!

More from the Rome Journal: You can buy calendars where each month is a photo of a young Italian priest. Yes, I, too, am wondering how on Earth I left Rome without one of those calendars! I mean, dai, per l'amor di Dio ... you cannot top that. I tried to explain it to Leo by saying it was driven by the dearth of vocations and that the notion of a slew of new young priests would give older Catholics such joy....

There’s an article in the current L’Espresso that is so funny: Italian politicians who years after they’ve left office continue to enjoy la scorta (police escort/secret service-level protection), which is to say they still jump the line (in traffic, at the airport, etc) when it’s convenient. The article cites a two-century-old line of poetry:

Io so’ io

E voi non siete un cazzo

Not a poem I've ever read. (From Wikipedia: La celebre frase che il Marchese rivolge a un gruppo di popolani («Mi dispiace, ma io so' io e voi non siete un cazzo!») è ripresa dal sonetto Li soprani der Monno vecchio di Giuseppe Gioachino Belli, che comincia così: «C'era una vorta un Re cche ddar palazzo / mannò ffora a li popoli st'editto: / "Io sò io, e vvoi nun zete un cazzo"».)

ENGLISH SUMMARY: The gist of the line of poetry, spoken by a nobleman to commoners, is roughly: I'm important (or I'm someone) and you're a nobody (said more colorfully in the Italian: 'You're not jack squat,' or, 'You're a fuckin' nobody.')

I was walking through Piazza della Signoria one evening only to find a concert in the loggia behind the Uffizi – a gorgeous soprano and a small ensemble. Leo didn’t want to linger but luckily the singer’s voice lingered, following me out of the piazza (I walked extra slow).

New 'addresses' emerge on each trip, often connected with coffee bars or bakeries that serve good ciambelle/ciambelline (who would care? Yes, yes I know. There's a reason few people read this blog!). I stopped at Caffe Le Logge by the post office one morning for a cappuccino. I was out on my morning walk and needed to refuel before venturing across the river. When I returned later to buy some pastries (which were quite good), the barman said, "Ri-buongiorno." I believe that's the first time I've ever had someone say that to me. Good morning -- again. (Not that you would care if you weren't obsessed with Italian and why should you be?!)

And while we're on the topic ... The trip was especially fruitful in one delicious way: I ate some of the best ciambelle I've ever had (none would qualify as a ciambellina, where -ina indicates little). Soft, doughy, enormous, and of course covered in sugar.

Taking the pulse of Firenze -- and my own

Dante considered Florence a den of snakes, and I can see why, but he also lamented his exile from this bejeweled city and I can absolutely see why -- years into my own (voluntary?) exile from Florence.

It’s truly beguiling as cities go -- not one you can write off easily (though he and I have both tried!).

Beguiling describes its allures and also its current state, mired as it is in overtourism -- but can we blame anyone for wanting to visit this enchanting city I once called home?

(Not unlike the notion that Italy is familiar to me, I also revel in saying that Florence is a city I once called home. Maybe how native-born Manhattanites feel? Though that level of entitlement I could never approach). 

As I write, I’m sitting in a living room on Via della Vigna Vecchia – not #1 but rather #12, and outside, from a tiny terrace, there’s an up close-and-personal view of the tower in Palazzo Vecchio. At this moment, the churches are chiming out 7 o’clock and I feel compelled to go out on the terrace to hear the bells – like the world coming alive in surround sound.

We arrived on Monday, and as usual, I have professed my love for Florence -- and spent time getting reacquainted with her -- by walking her streets. That is the way for me to take the city’s pulse, and my own. Will you grow weary of reading that only when I have prowled the streets for hours each day do I feel as though I am truly visiting Florence? Speriamo no.

Denise posted on Facebook that she was at the Shore for her birthday, and I had a serious case of FOMO.

And yet, while she was at the beach, I was meeting with my one-time roommate, Irene, and her husband, and reveling in the joys of old friendships. We chose to meet up at this ridiculously cool bar by the Sant’Ambrogio market, where Mike and I found seats outside while we waited but when Irene arrived, she said, “Well, have you seen the internal courtyard?” I had not and let’s just say the nuns who once lived at the convent now converted into a bar had some nice green space (would they have enjoyed the glass of Bolgheri we had? Maybe).

Yesterday I found two books I’d been looking for at the Florence branch of Il Libraccio: Vita immaginaria by Ginzburg and Lettera da Francoforte by Edith Bruck (finally!). Who knows how many more books I’ll try to schlep home? The quantity I’d like to buy is probably a number in the low three figures.

I also shopped at my old market (in Italian, Il Mercato di Sant’Ambrogio) yesterday. Still authentic, still wonderful, still selling qualche etto di prosciutto (crudo, always crudo, for chrissakes) that I can’t resist.

State of the city: positively infested with tourists, and the main part of centro storico is now full of quickie snack stops for travelers (rather than residents), as I wrote during an earlier trip. If back then, there were 15 snack stops (panini shops, wine bars geared toward foreigners, convenience stores) in a half-mile, now there are 40. And they've displaced local shops that served residents.

State of Leonardo (as he is known here, not far from Vinci, home of the other Leonardo): Well, we saw my old friend, Chiara, last night for a walk through centro & then dinner, which was lovely until we said our goodbyes and Leo yelled at me, “Three hours of you talking in Italian!” But what was nice: I suggested we go to a bookstore (so Chiara could pick out a book for her upcoming vacation) but instead she said she wanted to find Andremo in città, (i.e., the book I translated) which they didn’t have (alas).

(Update: The state of Leonardo was quite good at the Ferrari store where we bought him a pricey shirt and also before in the mountains where he was surrounded by cats and dogs.) 

I spend my days taking an inventory of what was and what is, especially since Mike insisted we rent a place on our old street (which is also around the corner from my last apartment in Florence). My old tower of course is still there but now at the base, there’s yet another restaurant for tourists (meanwhile our bread bakery not far away is long gone; oh the focaccia you could get there!). At Vivoli, there’s a line out the door – not so surprising, as even at 8:30 a.m., gelato is yummy (apparently) – but they’ve also expanded and taken over the corner grocery Paola used to run. I guess no one needs gorgonzola anymore.

Morning coffee with biscotti: enjoyed on the tiny terrace while the Torre di Arnolfo looks on (see above). The only cool respite in a city baked by the August sun.

My church is open most days and more gorgeous than I remember (just a neighborhood church) plus the ‘Crazy Drycleaner’ (our nickname, not the name of his shop) is still there – but the macellaria (butcher) where we bought the Thanksgiving turkey one year is gone.

The power of the Olympics (in my own backyard)

 

Long jump!

-30-

An Oscar-winning film, seen on a whim, changed my life

I don’t pay much attention to the Oscars ceremony, which will air on Sunday. Most years, I don’t see a single movie that’s been nominated. “Barbie?” Haven’t seen it. “Oppenheimer”? Nope. I’m a middle-aged mother with an 11-year-old son so I see few movies expressly for adults.

But once upon a time, an Oscar nod was reason enough for me to go to the movies. Ten days before leaving for college at Wesleyan University, I saw what's now considered a modern Italian classic: “Cinema Paradiso.” It won the 1989 Oscar for best foreign film -- and it changed my life.

The main character is a famous movie director named Totò who revisits the tiny Sicilian town where he grew up in the years following World War II. The film begins in the present day, in an apartment in Rome, but an unexpected phone call sends the director back to Sicily – and the movie back in time.

In the director’s boyhood village, life revolves around the parish church and the lone movie theater. That’s where the whole town convenes in the years before television. Alfredo, the projectionist, is seen repeatedly shooing away Totò – back when he’s an adorable but incorrigible boy who is infatuated with movies and always grabbing strips of film that fall on the floor. Alfredo eventually relents and agrees to teach him his profession. In the course of the film, Totò transforms from a tiny tot who uses a stepstool to reach the projector into a teen using his first movie camera to capture frames of a pretty girl he likes.

Before I saw the film, I knew no Italian, and had no plans to study the language. But when I arrived at college a short while later, I enrolled in Italian 101 and signed up for a hybrid literature program that included a semester abroad – all because I fell in love with the sounds I’d heard in the film. Eighteen months later, I left to study in Italy, and after college, I went back to live in Tuscany as an ex-pat. Since returning to the States, I’ve written this blog as an ode to small Italian pleasures. The film is one of many reasons a part of me will forever remain in Italy.

The movie does what all good fiction does: it makes you wish you lived in the world evoked by the story, in this case, Italian small-town life. I felt as though I had gone on vacation, to another country and another time. 

It also reminds me of the necessity of pursuing something that’s not inherently useful or handy. Knowing Italian won’t really get you out of a jam. Even traveling the world, you’ll find Italian will help you in only a handful of places outside of one solitary country (Italy). But studying Italian has been the great passion of my life; it’s allowed me to step inside the mind of another culture and revel in small moments, such as eavesdropping on a conversation between a barista and a regular at café in Rome or dining in a remote countryside restaurant where not a single other person speaks my native language. Fluency, after all, is a form of immersion not unlike diving into a pool.

I saw the film at a now-defunct arthouse cinema in Manhattan. Last year, I watched it with my students at a small college in Hartford where I was teaching Italian. I sat in the back of our darkened classroom, and took notes, my eyes brimming with tears of nostalgia. In one scene, Totò is at home in his kitchen pretending to be a cowboy, mimicking shoot-outs from westerns he’s watched at the theater. A lighthearted moment fraught with the knowledge that his father went off to war and never returns. In the space created by that absence, Totò’s friendship with Alfredo, who is childless, looms far larger than the token love story in the movie. 

Beyond recounting how a boy grows up to be a director, the film is about how longing and loss shape our lives, as well as the power of community. Totò leaves his provincial hometown on Alfredo’s advice, without ever looking back, and becomes successful in the big city. But the cost to both men is considerable. On his return, he sees what’s happened to the village – and his one-time mentor, Alfredo – since then. As the director revisits landmarks of his youth, he realizes he’s abandoned the people who loved him the most.

Watching the film at 18, I absorbed a culture completely foreign to my suburban New York upbringing. It drove me to master Italian so I could understand bits of dialogue that escaped me on the first viewing and it introduced me to what would become my adopted country. Since then, its language and customs have infiltrated every corner of my life. That 11-year-old son I mentioned? His name is Leonardo, and one afternoon in Italy not too long ago, a Florentine friend of mine insisted on teaching him to curse in Italian. I am raising him in a house where Italian words cover every surface, from book covers to the posters on the living room wall, and packages of breakfast biscotti in the pantry. 

So go to the movies. See a film you know nothing about. It might change your life. And one day, when he’s a little older, I’ll watch “Cinema Paradiso” with Leonardo – in the hopes that he, too, falls in love. With the movie, or movie-making, or even Italian. As long as he knows the beauty of falling in love with something powerful enough to change your life.

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A day in the life of this American Man at age 10

There is a seminal profile, well-known in literary journalism circles, about a 10-year-old boy and his world.

Published in Esquire in 1992, "The American Man at Age 10," by Susan Orlean, twisted the notion of a journalistic portrait and more importantly foregrounded how 10-year-old boys think. (Link below).

https://classic.esquire.com/article/1992/12/1/the-american-man-at-age-ten

I have so much to say about one particular 10-year-old boy -- but not much time to say it because he will soon be 11! Yep -- double hockey sticks.

In this past year -- his final before middle school -- I made a particular effort to jot down moments that reflected our routine and his state of mind.

How he spoons with our dog, Caramel, every morning before school (as you might with your college boyfriend). How he weaves in and out of the dotted lines on the bike trail in our town -- he reads them as an invitation to zig zag. Do you?

I took note of a certain Sunday evening -- a perfect one, by my standards -- where we biked to a nearby restaurant for dinner, then watched the Mets game, followed by our ritual Harry Potter reading. That night, while I read Harry's adventures aloud, Leo looked up curse words in my Italian dictionary.

So what does the American man, age 10, think about? Pepperoni pizza.

Fifth grade was full of special activities to mark the final year of elementary school -- including a whopper of a field trip: a visit to Lake Compounce, an amusement park in Connecticut.

Except it got canceled. So to make up for it, the school arranged a pizza party for the 5th graders. And my American man, age 10, intoned, "I hope they have pepperoni pizza. They better have it."

Not that Leo is only focused on the mundane -- far from it! He's a dedicated reader of The Week Junior (as I call it, "the best magazine you've never read" -- because you're not 10) and regular peruser of the front page of The New York Times (especially on the days something ghastly has happened and I am trying to confiscate the paper but on the sly).

Over Memorial Day Weekend, Leo and I were talking about American presidents as we walked to the beach, and when the conversation turned to Pres. Obama (an important figure to him for many reasons, not least of which: he was born when Obama was president), I said offhand that he was such a nice person. 

To which Leo, somewhat dismissively, replied, “Of course! You have to be nice to be President.”

Whoa, stop the presses. This is a missive from the “other side” that stuns me. The other side being childhood (my side, regrettably, broken-down adulthood).

I thought: Does he know what he said? Is that really how he sees the world? That a qualification for an important job such as President -- or maybe specifically for the job of President, not just any important job -- is you have to be nice. Age 35 or above, no criminal record, lots of stamina, oh and you have to be nice. 

A child’s perspective on the world. One more reason children are superior to adults.

I check on him while he walks Caramel down the block, and peering down the sidewalk, I see he's a tiny figure in determined motion with a bobbing white blur next to him. Something about their frenetic, untamed movement tells me childhood can still be Paradise Island.

Similarly, when he bikes, he is unwittingly trying to break my heart out of cuteness. With his still petite size, shaggy hair and ubiquitous grin, he forever reminds me of Elmo from "Sesame Street" when he's on two wheels. Perhaps it's the delight he feels that becomes like a current, emanating toward me?

(We biked twice to school in May, a goal I'd set years ago, and it turned the morning drop-off into a magical errand for this mama).

(He also ran a 5K this year -- not his first!)

He still lobs a lot of questions my way -- and when they stop, a part of me will die. In the past year, quite often, these questions consisted of car choices. Specifically, "Mommy! Would you rather have an MG or a Triumph?"

Perhaps because for Christmas last year, my American man, age 10, received a book called, "Classic Car: The Definitive Visual History," and I swear to you he spent more time flipping through this book than he spent moving the joy stick on his little Gameboy (the particular art of the coffee table book can take a lot of credit).

(He also asked me one day if I would prefer being a dog rather than a human. I had to tell him that I think being human has the edge).

What else does he like? Well, he likes to fish. In fact, in the spring, he and his pal, Nicolas, went fishing in the woods behind his school. As they traversed the packed, after-school playground with their rods, they were followed by a small army of curious onlookers, all of whom had opinions about what to do fishing (use the bobber, no don’t use the bobber, get a pack of worms, no, no worms).

Oh and he reads. A lot. Of the many books he's read so far this year, I will brag about THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER, which I’m thrilled to say we bought at the Mark Twain House in Hartford.

He's also begun reading collections of Calvin and Hobbes comic strips.

Leo loves baseball and hates the Houston Astros because they cheated.

He still likes chit-chatting, with his mother, though he might not admit it -- though he would enjoy teasing me about the verb 'chit-chatting,' which he would probably pronounce with the exaggerated Brooklyn accent he's learned from me when I am mimicking my mother (he does a good impression of Pat, too).

He likes staying up late ("Mommy! I've got a question for you! What's the latest you've ever stayed up?" That was Wednesday morning's question).

He likes New Yorker cartoons, pancakes, oreos and hot cocoa even when it's hot outside. He enjoys collecting Pokemon cards and baseball cards, plus he likes TV! Shows like "The Adventures of Gumball" and "Scooby Doo" and revamped versions of Looney Tunes.

And I hope he likes being 11.

-30-

Leo's Coronavirus Journal

Well, it's not really his Coronavirus Journal -- it's an excerpt of my own journal that features pithy comments from Leo.

May 12, 2020

Leo is learning about poetry this week and will even have to write two poems. Out for a walk, we’re discussing the types of poems he’s studying and suddenly he says, “What kind of poem is the one by Sean O’Casey? Where he says, ‘An I assed meself, what is the stars?’”

THIS REALLY HAPPENED.

It shows he’s reading the walls of our house since that's where we have the famous poster about Irish writers, which features 12 quotations (including the one from O'Casey). But still! My 7-year-old American son said the name ‘Sean O’Casey.’

We then went back to my parents' house to study their version of the poster. Truth: as often as I looked at the poster, I never actually studied the rhymes in the quotations! Never studied the meter! And there we were counting syllables in a poem by Sean O’Casey. 

LITERATURE IS REAL. 

And...

WE ARE ALL POETRY PEOPLE when we start out reading.

August 9, 2020

Leo picks up a long, curved stick, and says, “This could be a good steering wheel for animals.”

Nov 2. 2020

Leo: “Your brain is like a library.”

Nov. 3, 2020

Leo and I talk a lot about fur. What’s lined with fur. Like sweatpants and hoodies. When he calls something “super furry,” my brain becomes cozy. I yearn for all things furry. And I’m thankful for this lovely little boy who makes lovely little observations. 

Coronavirus Journal, three years later

A publisher put out a call a while back for Coronavirus diary entries and I happily obliged since, of course, I'd been writing in my journal during those initial dark, confused days. I've heard nothing from the publication so I am publishing the entries here. In our particular corner of the world -- by which I mean, the Bonner sisters and their families -- we were simultaneously handling the initial phase of my father's decline. It feels individual and unique and yet I have the sensation so many of us were juggling two problems -- two pandemics, as it were. The wider emergency of Covid taking over the planet, and the personal imprint of a local tragedy, complicated by the restrictions and the terror of those early pandemic days.

March 25, 2020

Leo yesterday had a Zoom meeting with his teacher. The same Zoom software I am using to teach my class at Wesleyan, except it’s not actually at Wesleyan anymore.

He’s above average in reading and he likes Math a lot so perhaps we are lucky in some ways because I don’t fear he will miss out on as much.

Nonetheless, a part of me grieves that he’s been robbed of the fundamental social nature of school, particularly as an only child.

Yet I am always of two minds. I mean, quite literally always -- before coronavirus and probably since I was born. (Or) I think of it as an occupational hazard as a journalist.

He should be in school, but in my home school, he can rock in his chair or even slump (for a while at least). He can stand up to do math problems, and he can walk around the computer room on the third floor while he explains fables to me. Oh, and we have gym every day, multiple times a day.

And yet – the other mind weighing in again – he has not played with a friend in a week.

March 27, 2020

My coronavirus diary walks side by side with my Daddy-Is-Sick journal. I spoke with him yesterday and it was not the same person I knew. It was like talking to a hybrid of Mommy and an exhausted Daddy. He kept repeating certain key details of his fluid transfusion – that it took four-and-a-half hours hours, for example. He told me there are good days and bad, and the bad ones are when he wants to pull the blanket over his head. What was yesterday, I asked? A pull-the-blanket-over-your-head kind of day.

Running very little very often

I have a photo of myself and my son that became instantly beloved to me the moment I saw it.

He’s on his bike and I’m chasing after him, in a bid to keep up with him -- and keep an eye on him. We’ve come to the Beltline, the rails-to-trails economic development project that’s remaking Atlanta, where we once lived.

I’m dressed in tight jeans and black sandals with hard wooden soles; my hands are gripping my pocketbook and a cell phone. I’m not, in other words, dressed to run. But I am running full-on -- and reveling in the moment.

We’re a blur in motion, we’re laughing, we're alive; need I say more? The photo means more than the plaque I received at a 5K race in my neighborhood after finishing second in my age group.

As the mother of an elementary school-aged boy, I probably run more now than ever before. Running isn’t something I do occasionally – it’s woven now, in small doses, into my life.

My go-to sport and exercise regimen leans more toward lap swimming, and I love simply to walk. I also sometimes bike and paddleboard. But running is so simple, so low on equipment and preparation, that for me it’s like the exercise you pull out of your back pocket as needed. In a new city? Go for a run to map the place out. Can’t get to the gym? Run around the block a few times. Trapped in a cycle of insomnia because you’ve moved cross-country to start a new life in Connecticut? Run in circles behind your house, in the cool, green fields of a private school on your new street. (For example).

I don't run great distances. I don't even run not-so-great distances. I run very short distances.

But it doesn’t mean I’m not serious about running. I am serious about keeping running a constant, if not huge, part of my life. If for no other reason than it makes me feel like I am six years old again, and being six has a lot to recommend for itself.

Often when I’ve run over the past five years, it’s behind my son’s bike, like the scene in the photo. I have to keep up with him, and I relish a chance to be with him while also exercising.

No, it’s not like training for a 5K, or a half-marathon and it certainly isn’t elegant. But it’s running in its pure form, which is to say how we first learned to run as children. Their bodies start moving rapidly without any reason, without checking if they have the right gear on, and in a few seconds, they are engulfed by the euphoria running seems to singlehandedly bestow. My son and his friends run because they want to arrive at the next moment, at the next opportunity for joy, at the next post in life, as soon as possible. What better reason to run? So I copy them – because I, too, want in on this surefire path to smiles and laughter and joy.

As for races, they’re constantly being staged on a spontaneous basic. A few months ago, my son challenged me to a series of races in the school fields behind our house. Each race was a little bit longer – and one race was designated a “jogging-only” course. Do I let him win? I often do but not before running flat-out my fastest (then easing up). I mean, I am sprinting across that field like I am trying out for the Olympics.

I began doing that five years ago when my son turned five and his running sped up. He challenged me to a race on the sidewalk in front of our lilac Victorian in Atlanta, and all of a sudden, I was pouring on the power in a way I hadn’t in decades. I was back at my Long Island elementary school, competing in the 50-yard dash near the end of the school year, and I was joyfully passing classmates even while huffing and puffing around the makeshift track.

I cannot say what my neighbors might have thought, seeing me sprint across the sidewalk toward the corner. I wasn’t play-jogging as many parents do. I was in it to win it. And it felt glorious.

There have been so many days like that since he was born. Days where the highlights come when I’m getting some exercise with my son. I competed in gymnastics growing up and exercise somewhat regularly, but I have never been a jock. Nonetheless I’d always intuited, even if I didn’t fully exploit the notion, that exercise can change our days, and our lives -- literally. Now I try to work up a sweat when I can, including kicking the soccer ball around our small yard over and over (it’s running, just with a ball). And I don’t care how I look or who sees me or where I am when I begin running. With a son who runs at the drop of a hat, it’s not hard to do.

Some of this shift reflects the changes all parents have to make – and the underreported transformation that parenthood conveys. You get a do-over. Looking down after that first sprint with Leo, I suddenly thought, “I feel like a kid.” And it’s all because now I have a kid. Parenthood does that to you. You become the person you were when you were a child. You are given a chance to wipe the slate clean. Got bad habits? Don’t worry -- you won’t have as much time to indulge them. Never an early riser? You can be one now. Want to run around and burn off the frustration of adulthood? You’ll have plenty of opportunities now.

I love it when my son runs to retrieve something. Something he could have simply walked to get. My partner will tease him, by saying under his breath, “Must run everywhere.” And I think, “Shhhh!” I think, Please don’t let him realize the adult world ceased running as a matter of course a long time ago -- because the adult world sleepwalks through life. He aims toward adult life – it’s the natural trajectory of all humans. But let us imitate him – at the very least by moving our bodies often, without care.

Children who are my son’s age naturally belong to The United Republic of Running. No one is wearing expensive workout tights. No one has sponsorships But they are comparing their performances, contrasting the pros and the cons – and ready to race at any time. No excuses like you hear from adults. One day, when his friend heard that Leo and I raced, he challenged me to a race outside their school. Once again, I went full-on, and he cackled the whole race because he couldn’t believe there was a mom keeping pace with him (or openly acting so wacky) along that sidewalk.

For serious runners, this “baby-step” approach (quite literally) may gall. But it aims at a revolution: Running, running often, out of pure joy, and staying alive.

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Why you should press 'record' on Thanksgiving (for the Boston Globe)

I began by recording Leo, and ended up recording my parents. 

And I've published an essay about doing both while also researching the Uncle I Never Knew for the Boston Globe.

I also managed to quote Jay Allison, the Moth Radio Hour impresario who says something so beautiful it might have been worth building an essay around:

"Sound gets inside of you -- it inhabits you. It can break your heart."

https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/11/23/opinion/why-you-should-record-your-holiday-dinner-conversations/

The Little Artist Whose Mother is Addicted to Post-it Notes

Post-it art by our Leonardo. Leonardo d'Atlanta.

Now on display in the Gallery of the Master Bedroom.

Oh I know Marie Kondo wouldn't approve. But what does one do with these little scraps of paper? You are not meant to preserve something to show that while you were reading bedtime stories to your son he was whiling away the time doodling on post-it notes? Doodling in ways you never could. Or did.

So for now the show is still up in the gallery.

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World domination -- from the Leo Journal

Aug 14, 2020

Leo looks at the geese in the school field behind our house and says, “Geese are totally close to world domination.” 

A few days later he asks me what ‘domination’ means.

Lost diary entry

The photo I take every time I visit Florence (1966 flood)

A photo of one of the markers commemorating the heights the Arno River reached in 1966 when there was the terrible flood. 

"Qui arrivò l'acqua dell'Arno. Il 4 Nov. 1966."

(The waters of the Arno reached this point. Nov. 4, 1966.")

The markers are everywhere in center city Florence and in some cases, you really marvel at how high the river surged -- markers at the level of the second or third story of a building, for example.  

I was telling Leo about the markers while we walked around the city, and I said that people came from all over the world to help the Florentines recover, largely because the flood damaged countless works of art. To which he said, "Which ones?"

Yeah, Mommy, which ones?

Well, I didn't know but I've begun to research it a bit -- and there are many articles about the flood, especially since the 50th anniversary was in 2016. If you're curious, too, come along.

Take a look at this Art and Antiques piece about a Vasari work that has finally been completely restored.

Or this article from The Florentine about the damage the flood inflicted on the famed Ghiberti doors on the Baptistery in Piazza Duomo -- five of the ten panels were "ripped from their doors by the flood waters."

That was all before my time, of course. But the history of Florence, perhaps especially the modern history, which doesn't seem as remote as say the Medici era, ensnares me a bit like the personal histories of my parents. What shaped these monoliths in my life?

Good thing the kid is so curious -- I've learned all kinds of interesting things! I've also learned not to speak idly -- if I say works of art were destroyed, Leo is going to ask for specifics about which works of art I mean.

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Letter from Borgo Ognissanti

I see my life as divided in two: Before Italy and After Italy. As I wrote in my Bennington graduation lecture, "If my life were a novel, the central year dividing the action into 'the before' and 'the after' would be the year I left for Italy on a study abroad program."

Or perhaps you could phrase it this way: My life is divided into the period of monolingual me versus bilingual me, since once I discovered that I could think, speak and write in not one but two languages, there was no going back.

(You, of course, could also divide my life into Before Leo and During Leo, which may make you wonder, how would YOU divide your life?).

Earlier, I wrote that Jeanne on vacation is Jeanne walking while immersed in Italian. But I've speculated, what if all of a sudden Arkansas adopted Italian as its official state language? (Or South Jersey for that matter). Would it have the same ambience? Would it evoke the same gauzy invitation for swooning?

Let's stay on Terra Firma and have me strolling among Italians as they continue the work of Dante in their everyday conversations.

And especially among Florentines as they jabber away in their C-less Italian.

To be fair -- and to add some nuance to this geographical hagiography -- I've described Florentines in my attempts at fiction as a hostile high school clique that hazes newcomers but which you'd nonetheless cut yourself to join (And Senesi -- the people who live in Siena -- and Pisani are arguably snobbier; I've also heard Milanesi aren't the friendliest people).

And yet it is also true that knowing Italians -- knowing them enough that they whisk you off into the country, up a mountain to a rustic restaurant or over to a hidden beach studded with caves -- is like having the secret key to the hidden door (or the hidden key to the secret door). It makes a magical place -- Italy -- truly sparkle.

We had several occasions to insert the secret key in the hidden door; for example at Serre Bistrot, an Oltrarno restaurant you'll find in a private garden (Il Giardino Torrigiani) that heretofore I'd only seen on a map of Florence, even though it's quite close to my old apartment, which I shared with my friend, Irene, who took us to Serre Bistrot. It's described as a secret garden in the heart of Florence, and that's more or less true (specifically near Piazza Torquato Tasso, which you may or may not consider the heart of Florence). You won't stumble over it -- you have to look carefully at the map and seek out what Irene called "an internal road" that leads to the entrance.

We also took a hike! Mike's friend, Dante, took us up into the Pratomagno mountain range near Arezzo so we – or really Leo – could have a break from the painful heat of the cities we had been visiting. And it was delightful. Classic Italian gita – drove two hours (not a half hour, not un’oretta, but a full two hours), had a wonderful lunch al bosco in this rustic little eatery where Mike and I ate half the menu (at lunch!) and Dante had a quartino of wine (at lunch!), and then proceeded to take a short hike in the wonderfully breezy environs of Pratomagno. 

We hiked to a red, iron cross at the top of the crest of the mountain that had been built by ‘Francescani secolari’ in honor of St. Francis, who had spent a great deal of time nearby. The wind was truly delicious, the way Rahawa Haile described it in her essay about hiking, "Going It Alone."

And Leo ran up the mountain. Ran. Literally. 

He was way out ahead and he kept saying to me, “There’s a good view over here.”

There was an organized group of school-age kids and when they reached the summit as we were descending, we could hear them celebrating with shouts of joy. I kept looking back at them as they encircled the cross, thinking, 'This is perfection.'

(When you reach the summit, there's a stamp and an ink pad, which we duly used on my travel journal. Why do I act as though the journal page with the stamps is like a manuscript of Shakespeare? I was careful not to write on the back to preserve it).

Dante had picked us up near the station at 10:30; at around 3 p.m., when I was ready for a nap but casually mentioned that I hadn’t been to Siena in a while, he said, “Andiamo ora se vuoi!” (We can go now if you want). 

And then there's the Italian lesson, courtesy of Cristiano, which I wrote about earlier (maybe every Italian male would have begun the lesson with the word for cuckhold?!). Not to mention the evening we dined at the house of our friend Vicki (German by birth, Florentine by choice) and Leo had his first glass of Coca-cola (in Italy!) while I gazed out at the building's verdant courtyard, which I've described before as 'If 'Rear Window' were filmed in Italy.' 

We are lucky to have such adventures when we set foot back in Italy.

Plus, there are also always new adventures -- ways to stretch this relationship with Italy, because I feel at home in Italy, even when I am not with friends. So I was delighted to see we were staying near the French bookstore in Piazza Ognissanti, a place I'd never needed to patronize since I was plenty busy with Italian books when I lived in Florence. But now that I visit Montreal and in particular the neighborhood Petite Italie, I know that there are bilingual Italian-French books to be had and they are delightful (I have Erri De Luca's Non ora, non qui//Pas ici, pas maintenant in the bilingual edition, published under the Folio series by Gallimard).

Inside the darling little store, the proprietor juggled her infant while answering my questions about the bilingual editions and ringing me up (plus responding to the phone; at one point, I heard her say to an unseen caller, “Buongiorno, si, si ... ah Bonjour, oui nous l’avons….”).

She also patiently put up with the neighborhood lunatic who entered the store to harass her -- and judging by her cool-as-a-cucumber attitude, he comes in often. It reminded me of a Ligabue lyric that mentions "l'idiota del paese" -- the village idiot, whom everyone knew and everyone said hello to, even if he puzzled them.

You may not believe me, but I am leaving out 1,000 other tiny encounters and moments! But isn't that the way with Italy? Especially when you spend the first ~two hours of your day pounding the cobblestones, head up, eyes aglow (and not from the screen of your cellphone).

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Best photos/Italy trip: Our little Roman gladiator!

At the approach from Piazza del Popolo to the Villa Borghese park, these two jump out, offering to confer official status on Leo. 

If my name isn't gullible -- I actually thought they worked for the park! Yep, until part of their schtick involved some weird move by which they passed the (fake) swords near Leo's privates -- I began to suspect then. And of course when it was over, they begged (rather aggressively!) for a king's ransom. But what a photo!

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The Italian lesson

Cornuto. It's not the first word Leo has learned in Italian, but it may be the one he remembers the longest -- scrawled on my journal and explained in minute detail by one of the many Italian characters I've come to know.

(Italian-Americans will recognize the word or the accompanying hand gesture, at left, both of which convey that someone is a cuckold. Perhaps the worst insult you could level at a man in Italy -- and hence the first word in the lesson).

His teacher? Cristiano -- my old student, who once told me I shouldn't worry that I was losing my Italian by returning to live in America since the errors I was making were the very same I had made when I was still living in Italy. Ba-dum-bum!

Or when I said I was having trouble finding work and he suggested that I try finding a job at Hooters (in an email to my boyfriend, AKA Mike; the exact phrase was something like 'one of those restaurants where the waitresses have their tits out'). When we've reunited in Italy during my trips back, he often explains away his bad English by saying he had a bad teacher (me). Tuscan humor at its finest. He's from a suburb of Florence, and despite the gruff, semi-macho demeanor, is a devoted husband (to his middle school sweetheart) and father.

Some very astute, very organized parents are raising their children bilingual but I am not. I found myself busy enough when Leo was born bathing, changing and feeding him that the idea of adding another task (or doing all of that in my second language) seemed absurd, especially since we were no longer in Italy (plus, I wanted to form a bond in my main language, the language I write in, primarily). 

But I do want Leo to learn some Italian, particularly since Mike is what one might call a "heritage speaker" -- he learned Italian because he is of Italian origin. His grandfather was born in a small town near Benevento in Southern Italy (which we visited during our last trip). So Leonardo is also Italian!

Now there's studying Italian in your own country and there's learning Italian on the ground in Italy. I always make a distinction because when I went abroad for a semester in Siena during college, the first two words I learned were as follows:

Scherzare (verb): to joke, to kid.

Sciopero (noun): labor strike

I had never encountered those words in the 18 months I had been studying Italian at college in America but they were essential to navigating Italian life once I arrived -- especially scherzare. The Italian university students I met in Siena punctuated practically every sentence with the phrase, "Sto scherzando." ("I am joking"). And once I went to live in Florence, there were quite a few times that a sciopero of the bus drivers left me high and dry.

What does that say about Italy? I like to think it says something -- especially, again, the verb scherzare (pronounced sort of like ~ skare-czar-ay). Italians cannot live without joking and hence any American visitor who wants to understand Italians must learn the verb for joking or kidding.

Now back to cornuto -- whose introduction also probably says something about Italians, or this particular Italian conducting the "lesson."

When I called Cristiano to fix a time to meet, he asked if Leo spoke Italian and I thought it best to be honest. No, he does not, I said.

"No problem," Cristiano replied. "Glielo insegno io!" I'll teach him.

Right then and there I knew we were talking about lessons that would be remarkably different from how I teach.

When we sat down for lunch, Cristiano asked for a piece of paper so he could begin instruction. I whipped out my journal and had the presence of mind not to tear out a page but rather let him write directly in the book so we'd have a "souvenir" of our time together.

And the very first word he tackled was cornuto, followed by "vaffunculo" (see definition here if this is the one word of Italian you've managed to miss), and various uses of the word for shit ("merda").

Leo was delighted! And when we returned to Connecticut, I heard him bragging in the pool to his buddies that he can now curse in Italian.

But more importantly, he asked a lot of questions about Italian this trip -- about words and expressions and meanings, even whether a word was "gendered." I guess he learned that in Spanish class. Not what I learned in Spanish class at Burns Avenue Elementary! (We learned, I kid you not, the American Pledge of Allegiance, which I can still recite in Spanish).

PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE for WRITING IN A JOURNAL: Do you see how amazing it is to keep a journal? You hand it over to your hooligan of a friend and he writes an entry for the ages. His impromptu Italian lesson becomes part of the journal that I took everywhere I went, jotting down the addresses of coffee bars, grocery store lists, comments of people passing me on the street, complaints of fellow shoppers ('Troppo scolata, signorina' -- too revealing, miss -- said of a shirt) and of course as my time in Italy came to close, evidence of sadness that I had to leave this marvelous world behind. My other world, my other identity, fed by my knowledge of Italian.

But wait! There's more: Leo knows how to lie in Italian!

After dropping what felt like millions of euros on Pokemon cards, museum admissions and gelati, we jumped at a chance to save a little money when we arrived at the courtyard of Santo Spirito in Florence where for a small entrance fee you could see a relatively hidden part of the famous Brunelleschi church  that includes a crucifix made by Michelangelo (I used to go to mass there and I am not sure I even know there was a side courtyard you could access).

If Leo were less than 10 years old -- say 9, for example, or nove in Italian -- he could enter for free. I guess Mike and I discussed it in front of Leo (who turned 10 in early July) but without giving any instructions to him. Then we turned to the attendant and said in Italian, "Two adult admissions and one free child admission."

She was rather stern, the attendant (one of those women who could be a nun but you're not sure) and turned to Leo immediately, saying, "Quanti anni hai?" How old are you? 

Without any coaching, he said, "Nove." Nine! And hence free.

Stunned, I turned to Mike. "The boy knows how to lie in Italian!" (mentire -- he'll probably learn that word soon, too.)

The courtyard is quite nice, by the way, full of tombs whose inscriptions I "enjoyed" reading (enjoyed linguistically because how a culture talks about death is somewhat unique). And that Michelangelo? Well, as Leo said of La Pietà at St. Peters, it was "good."

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Leo turns 7 -- Lost diary entry from the Leo Journal

July 9, 2019

He’s 7 today, dear journal – the journal that only exists because 10 days before *he* was born, I was suffering a bout of insomnia and felt compelled to write, and then kept writing, and then emboldened both by the writing and the perseverance that had been required to have a baby at my advanced age (!), I went to grad school (long-deferred dream), began writing and publishing essays, began teaching, BEGAN LIVING. 

BEGAN -- again.

Seven years old, the boy who has completely changed my life. Long have I known of my weakness for men – I just didn’t know it would be a boy over whom I would completely lose my mind, a boy who would conspire to soften every rough edge I have (mind you, he’s still working on that one, bless his heart). A boy who would help me exit that dark wood I had strayed into, to crib a line from Dante. I lurve this boy, I lurf him. 

Sure, I am hyperbole personified but I am comfortable saying he saved my life. Even if it were hyperbole, what of it? If I believe he SAVED my life, that life is SAVED, regardless. I think of the Van Morrison song, “I Forgot that Love Existed.” That’s how his presence in my life feels. And it’s seven years of feeling this way.

Lost Diary Entry

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